Fulfilling relationships are not a matter of just communicating with each other. It is easy to communicate, but to communicate effectively and honestly with each other is a very different thing. Make a decision that your relationship is a priority in your life (which can be a hard thing to do when you are so busy).
Let each other know what YOU are going to do to improve the relationship. Once you have had your say, ask the other person if that will help them. Don’t assume you know what they need.
- Make time for each other. Not necessarily on a date or an expensive night out (but this is good sometimes). Turn your mind off your work, your business and all your other commitments and decide to have at least 1/2hr just for each other every day. (You can do this for a client or a work issue, make it a priority in your relationship)
- If you find yourself getting irritated and cranky, before you say anything to each other, take a couple of deep breaths and ask yourself “What am I really cranky about”. It is difficult to communicate to your partner effectively if you are angry. By calming yourself before you speak, you are more likely to get your message across effectively. You may need to just say “I am feeling a bit upset at the moment, give me a few minutes and then we can have a chat”. (especially good if you are asked “What’s wrong with you? Why are you so snappy?)
- When you are speaking to each other, talk about the underlying issues (the real problem) not the incidents which have occurred. It is easy to pick an incident and snap about that, than be honest with yourself and look at what you are really feeling. Often you may feel your needs just aren’t being met.
- Do you know each others needs? Unless you have had an open discussion about this, it may be that you don’t know what each other values in a relationship. if you don’t know what each other values, how can you fulfill those needs? (Values will be discussed in a later post)
- Don’t be busy being busy, and run out of time and energy for each other. Look at what you are doing each day and determine “Is this really important to me and our relationship” If not, and what you are doing isn’t part of what you value, why are you doing it at all?
And last but not least – your partner is not a mind reader. Love between each other does not automatically give them a guide to everything you need or want in a relationship. This is something that you will both need to discuss, and the earlier in a relationship this is done the better. However, it is never too late for this discussion. Make a “date” now, clear all your other priorities, and spend that time with your special some-one to fulfill and enhance your connection.